A brief history of my career, Pt. 1: The Beginning.

"I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I mean, it's high time I start planning my future. I'm just about finished with kindergarten, and with Grade 1 starting up in the fall, people are gonna want to know."

My formative years were plagued with questions about my future. Typical Scorpio, I've always felt the need to be in control of my life. I can remember being so young and spending countless hours weighing the pro's and con's of a wide variety of career choices: If I were a doctor I could help myself get better if I got sick . . . oh, but blood makes me queasy. If I were an actor I'd probably get to see all the movies I wanted to for free and I bet I'd make hundreds of dollars . . . oh, but what if they made me kiss a girl? EEEEEWWWW! If I were an author I could write all sorts of interesting stories . . . oh, but I can't even write my own name yet. Bother, life decisions are hard when you're only 5 years old.

But then, it happened! We were having an activity day for all the grade 1 students. The theme today was "Fairy Tales" (a personal favourite for the cute little homo in brown plaid). We randomly raced from activity center to activity center completing the mindless tasks that were asked of us: Decorate Cinderella's slipper; build a house for the 3 little pigs with lego; make porridge for Goldilocks. A perfect day of school, if you ask me. I ran around the lower level of JH Sissons Elementary squealing like a schoolgirl every time I got one task completed and got it checked off by either Mrs. Morris or Mrs. Berry. I was almost done.

I was just about to complete the list and, Heavens to Betsy, I think I'll be first. Oh imagine the glory that would behold me. I'd be the envy of all the others in the three classrooms that made up my grade. I'd be the most popular girl in school! The world would be mine! Next on the list, 'Braid Rapunzels hair'. Easy enough. I've seen Mommy Dearest braid my sisters’ hair almost daily. I'd be done in seconds.

'Start with 2 sections and twist. Hmmmmm, no, that’s not working. Maybe I'll twist the other way. No, that didn't work either. There's got to be something wrong with this yarn. C'mon Lance, the others are gonna see you doing it wrong and they'll all laugh at you. You can do this one. 2 sections - twist. Of course, it should be 4 sections. Shit, that didn't work either.' Okay, so apparently I couldn't braid. Somehow I was genetically unable to form the same hairstyle that made it possible for Prince Charming to rescue the real Rapunzel. I had to do the unthinkable . . . I asked for help. Mrs. Berry came over and showed me the secret that has been passed down from X chromosome to X chromosome for millenia . . . 3 Sections. Now that I had this figured out I was able to complete the activity effortlessly.

I ran home after school and showed Mommy Dearest what I had learned. Then my sister. Then my sisters Barbie collection. I would become a braiding master; it was written in the stars. The next day at school I offered complimentary braiding services to all of my girl friends (note that was 2 separate words). This went on for months.

I had found my calling.

I was going to be a hairdresser!

To be continued . . . . .