OH MY G-D!!!!

Wow! I just got an email from Cell Phone Boy with a link to a Christian Family website. More specifically, he wanted us all to read an article by a Good Christian Woman addressed to all the Good Christian Wives on our wonderful planet. The article was very clear (because otherwise women wouldn't be able to figure it out?) and was to help women learn to 'Appreciate Your Man'! I'm glad I read it, now I know that to make sure The Boyfriend is happy, all I have to do is ask him to glue a chair leg and build him up in front of the kids. And here I thought relationships were hard!

Intrigued, I click-click-clicked my way about the site, wondering if there was an article to men on how to make their women feel appreciated. Oddly enough, there was no such article. But I did learn many things about my brethren: I learned why we like fast things (because they go fast); Why we need not and do not cook breakfast in bed for our significant others (cause we don't want to burn bacon or spill milk and ruin the whole thing. Best we leave cooking to the women folk. They enjoy it so!). But the most important thing the Good Reverend taught me was why we leave the toilet seat up....

". . . The answer is simple. We’re trying to be consistent. You’ll find seats up in every public men’s room across the U.S. and around the world. Besides, chances are good that we’ll be the next ones to use the facility, so why waste the motion returning the toilet seat and lid to their proper position? It’s all a question of efficiency. That’s the secret right there. If you EVER wonder why a guy does what he does, efficiency is usually the answer. We simply want to be practical. No wasted effort on unnecessary niceties. This explains why we don’t like to fold our sweats that are balled up in the corner of the closet. It’s much easier to pull them on without worrying about all that unfolding. Again, efficiency is the reason. It all makes sense now, doesn’t it? . . ."

See, this is just another argument that the Gay Mafia can use in our big gay agenda. The more gay men and lesbian women there are, the less we would need to explain all of this to one another. When I make pee and The Boyfriend follows suit, he just instinctively knows that the north-reaching toilet seat has nothing to do with my laziness, its all about consistency.

And those witty lesbians would just know when you hold each other and tell each other they love one another and not burn bacon and heck, they could just glue the toilet seat to the porcelain. Hmmm . . . . actually, probably best that they just call one of us over to do it for them.

Onward Fabulous Soldiers!