Jump in! The water's cold, but don't worry. You'll get used to it.

I'm sure I'm not alone in this, but I have fears! Loads of them! GASP!!!!

I'm not even sure of what my fears are. Rejection? Failure? Loss? Death? Life? I fear change, but I also fear things staying the same. I want life to go on with surprises around every corner, but those surprises scare the shit out of me.

When I think back in history (and I mean my history here folks, not world history. Let the world get its own blog!) I often see huge jumps I've taken that have most always turned out better than I could have possibly imagined. With such a great track record, why would I have said fears? Anybody?

I was so optimistic moving to Toronto. There was nothing that was going to hold me back. I had a great job lined up in T.O.'s poshest area; I had the BEST apartment you could ever dream of; I had money in the bank; With Prada on my feet and Kenneth Cole on my back, what could go wrong? . . . . Cut to me 21 months later, a completely different Lance Morrison that the one who boarded a plane at the Yellowknife airport on May 5, 2004. My heart is pretty much the same, but where my mind is, is the polar opposite.

I guess things don't often turn out EXACTLY as we would have liked. But are any of us where we though we would be 5 years ago? 10 years ago? 20 years ago? Most likely not. But how much would we have lost?

Had I moved to Toronto 4 months later, I'd have a lot more money right now.... a lot. But what would that get me . . . more ego, more credit card bills, a better job, maybe longer hair?

But what would I have lost? I definitely would not have met Cell Phone Boy. And I would have missed the cut off for the Lesbians telephone # change notification. Had I not connected with the Lesbians I would never have met The Boyfriend. Having not met The Boyfriend, I'd not know The Boys, Cousin Janet, Cousin Julie, The Opera Singer, etc etc etc. I'd still have The Heteros, and I'll always have Dray-gun. Maybe I'd still be dating The Drug Addict Actor. Or maybe we would have never met. Who knows?

If you get a chance, watch the movie 'Sliding Doors'. Gweneth Palthrow plays the same woman in 2 seperate scenerios. What would happen if she had caught the earlier tube and not had to wait the 2 minutes for the next one? Interesting to think about the small incidents that have shaped our lives. Some thank Harry Belafonte. Some thank God. I'd have to thank my mom for getting me out of bed that morning to help her do some shopping. If she hadn't, I would never have gotten the Video Store job which, I believe, was the first domino in the past 10 years of my life. Thanks Mom! You're the greatest!

Everyone else, how's about we try to do one thing this week that we're unsure of. Let's see where it takes us. Could be fun!