I Am Not A Prude!

I swear I’m not. I do have an aversion to nudity, but it’s not because I’m reserved. I love being naked as much (if not more) than the next guy. It’s just that I feel than nudity has its place, and when it’s unnecessary, I am uncomfortable.

My friends harass me about it constantly. There are always the little hits here and there about it, but I really feel as no one really understands my objection. I am totally comfortable being nude in front of others… as long as it’s appropriate. But where are the lines drawn between appropriate and inappropriate?

At the Gym: I have no problem showering at the gym. I will walk from the shower to the lockers snugly wrapped in my little towel. Once at my destination I will unwrap, towel off, and get dressed. Everything is visible, and quite appropriate. I will not, however, walk around the locker room with everything flopping about; going from here to there for fifteen minutes with the boys on display. Why? Not appropriate! Also, I would not fuss about trying to put on my underpants while still wearing a towel… you people just look silly.

In Movies: I personally feel that nudity and the human form are overly abused in film. I question the motives of the producers of many films. Is there a point to all this titty we are subject too? And it’s not just boobies that I speak of… there is often (albeit, less often) useless shots of boys bits on the big screen. Yes, I agree, some scenes really do benefit from it, but it is so rare; I’d say 3.7% of the time that nudity is used, it is appropriate.

Halle Berry flashing her boobies in ‘Swordfish’ had no point. However, it seemed to fit perfectly fine when she bared them in ‘Monster’s Ball’. In “Brokeback Mountain”, there were several nude shots, and not one of them seemed out of place. Again, this is not just me being gay and only liking penis shots… the nude female scenes also worked in this movie. When Ennis and his wife were attempting copulation and started to argue, there were bums and bare breasteses all over the place, but that was reasonable; in reality, that is exactly what it would look like. But I think the rumours of Collin Ferrell’s legendary schlong scenes in ‘Home at the end of the world’ were just used as a publicity stunt, and that’s just stupid. Do you have such little faith in the quality of your movie that you need to show someone’s willy to get people to go see it?

But then, even in movies where there are sex scenes, and nudity would be used, often there is no need for the scene. I’m sorry; I do not think the Angelina Jolie / Ethan Hawk sex scene was at all integral to the plot of ‘Taking Lives’. The movie was perfectly fine without it… but I guess the target audience for the film (mindless straight men) appreciated – not to mention expected- the sight of her more than perfect rack. Then there’s pornography; all the sex scenes and nudity is completely necessary… and appreciated. That’s what porn is, and what is expected.

Walking around naked is completely fine with me as well. Like I said earlier, I love being nude. I often walk around my house or The Boyfriends house, with little or no clothes. And why not? But if I had friends over, I would never! I’ll change in from of them in the gym, but if I’m at home, I slip behind the door.

Basically, there is little need for nudity, and I think it should be reserved for those times. If it is not advantageous, why bother? If you’re just comfortable with your nudity, that’s fine, but be comfortable somewhere where it will not make others uncomfortable; like a nude beach. If you’re showing it/them off, then you’re an arrogant twit… and it’s usually not all that impressive anyway, we’ve all seen better. If you’re doing it for the money, then you’re a whore (sorry Angelina… really I do respect you for everything else you do).

Then again, maybe I am just a prude.