The Phone Call: A Play In One Act.

Receptionist: Hey Lancey. There’s a call for you on line 1.

Me: Thanks for holding. Lance speaking.

Leigh: Hey Lance. How’s the hair business going?

Me: i have no idea who the hell this is. Oh you know… busy as usual. How are you?

Leigh: Good. Actually, I’m calling from Saskatchewan. My name is Leigh. I think I saw you on ‘Diva on a Dime’. Did you do hair on that show at once?

Me: More like 14 times, but yeah, that was me.

Leigh: WOW! Fourteen times. I only saw the show the one time, but you were great. Actually, that’s why I’m calling. I think you’d be great for my business!

Me: whatthefuck? Uh… how do you mean?

Leigh: Well, after I saw you on the show, I couldn’t stop thinking about how great you would be with us. I spent a few hours searching online and came up with this salon number. I was hoping I’d found the right one… and here you are.

Me: whatthefuck?

Leigh: See, my Auntie and cousin are in it, and they’re doing really well. Often bringing in $20 000 - $30 000 a month. It’s a really simple sales type business...

Me: oh shit… I smell pyramid scheme.

Leigh: ...And it’s not some pyramid scheme or anything, hahaha. It’s really easy… in fact, the beauty is that you don’t even have to do ANYTHING! Do you know of any friends or clients that would love to make extra cash? Becasue I would train you, and all you’d have to do is train two people the same way, and the money just comes rolling in. Doesn’t that sound exciting?

Me: yeah… as exciting as having my teeth pulled out by your cousin clement. Oh… well… yeah. That sounds really… interesting.

Leigh: And, coincidentally, there’s a huge conference happening in your area in two weeks...

Me: oh goodie.

Leigh: ...I’ll be there, and I was thinking I could bring you along…

Me: are tom cruise, john travolta and l. ron hubbard going to be there?

Leigh: …as my guest. I’d pay your way in and all that. I think you’d really like it. We have a lot of hairdressers working for us. Mostly, we sell cosmetics, but there is also some stationary and some other great and exciting products. Does that sound like something you would like to come to?

Me: not on your little hick life. Well, it sounds fun, but it would be next to impossible for me to get time off. You know, bosses and all that. I wouldn’t be able to go.

Leigh: Oh, I totally understand. That’s why it’s so great working for yourself. We even have doctors and lawyers that work for us because, well as you know, all the long hours that have to be put in for not very much money.

Me: now you’re singing my song sister. but i still ain’t listening. I hear ya!

Leigh: Yeah, it’s really great. They give you a white Mercedes and everything. And you really really do well. Not like Mary Kay and others.

Me: well, I must admit, I do fancy a pink convertible. Yeah, it’s just too bad I wouldn’t be able to make it. Shucks.

Leigh: Well, how about if I sent you some information and … Oooooo… maybe a sample of our great products?

Me: free shit? hell yeah, bring it on. Sure, any information you have would be great.

Leigh: Well, how about you just give me your home mailing address and I’ll get that all off to you right away.

Me: and have some crazy amway people calling me all the time. Oh heeeeeeeeell no. Well, how about I just give you the salon address. I just moved and don’t know my mailing address off the top of my head. This will be easier. I really don’t want to have the package lost in the mail. Got a pen?

Moral of this story: I need a couple of you guys to help me out. All you have to do is come over and have a little chat with me. I’m just going to train you all and you can see how easy it is to make E Z money!