Confessions of a Nomad: No Longer a Suburban HouseHusband.

After a long day at work, and a longer one the night before (we left the office last night at 3:30am) I am at The Philanthropists’ house, with my Starbucks, my computer and Damien Rice.

Funny; I can’t really call it “The Philanthropists’ house”, because I now live here. However, it’s not really my place, so I can’t really call it ‘mine’ or ‘our’ place either. I’m a nomad. I have no home. I have no place. This is where I now hang my hat, but it’s really a couch that I occupy, free of rent. I’m homeless.

I sit, listening to Damien Rice, and thinking about the most recent events of my life. Things have been over here and over there for months, but still, no where in particular. I feel like I’ve been living in a snow globe, and every once in a while, some curious child picks me up and shakes my world into a flurry. Over my shitty speakers, ‘The Animals Were Gone’ plays into my ears, as I play my third game of Mah-jong…

“I know I've been a liar and I know I've been a fool

I hope we didn't break yet, but I'm glad we broke the rules

My cave is deep now, yet your light is shining through

I cover my eyes, still all I see is you

Oh I know that I left you in places of despair

Oh I know that I love you, so please throw down your hair

At night I trip without you, and hope I don't wake up

'Cause waking up without you is like drinking from an empty cup”

Have I lost you yet? Okay. Three days ago I moved out of the fabulous apartment that I shared with The Boyfriend, and moved in with The Philanthropist. We’ve not broken up, we’re just not going to live together for a while.

Unorthodox?
Yes?

Uncommon?
Definitely.

Impossible?
Not at all.

No need to explain reasons, and go into dull details, but I really wanted to be back downtown, and The Boyfriend really wanted to stay in our area. There was no compromise that worked for both of us, so he bought beautiful condo a few blocks from our apartment, and I have moved back downtown.

I’ve decided that there was no need in taking some shitty apartment, just because it was affordable, but also, couldn’t yet afford to move into a place that was a bit more… me. This is where Philanthropist steps in; He offered me his couch for as long as I need it, and office space to store all my furniture.

So… there you have it. I’m a Nomad. I have no home. I have no familiar furniture around me. I have a suitcase of clothing and a duffel bag of shoes. I’ve lost my beautiful view, but I’ve gained back 16 hours a week that I don’t need to spend on public transit. Let’s call it even.

So, as I sit now, the rain is pouring outside, The Dog & The Cat are watching me with hopes of treats, The Philanthropist is at the gym, and I’m sitting here listening to music and hearing it with my heart, as well as my ears.

Isn’t it funny how exterior circumstances can influence how you read things?

“I know I've been a liar and I know I've been a fool”

Sorry I’ve been an ass lately. Seems like for the past seven months I’ve been going through so much shit and I’ve been frustrated. It’s not fair for me to take it out on you.

“I hope we didn't break yet, but I'm glad we broke the rules”

As unconventional as the situation is, we know it can work. It takes a really strong relationship to be able to separate without separating. As odd as it feels, I am finally feeling like I am back on track with my life, and that what I want is now possible. I see my future - our future - crystal clear for the first time in a long time, and THAT is making me happy.

“My cave is deep now, yet your light is shining through”

Funny. I was confident in this situation when I proposed it, and you were unsure. As the date drew closer, I lost my confidence and yours went up. Coming out of a depression, I got scared and dove right back in, really deep, but your optimism and attitude this past week has really helped me see the silver lining and the possibilities.

“I cover my eyes, still all I see is you”

I can’t really explain this without getting to personal, but… it’s good.

What’s next? Who knows? Who cares? Right now, all is good, and that’s what really matters.