Do Not Feed or Offer Poppers To The Drag Queens.

Just over a year ago, I met with The Boyfriend and several of his co-workers for a cocktail (or four) in Toronto’s Gay Village. We found ourselves in a quiet pub enjoying wine and martini’s. This is when we found out that one of his co-workers, Rammadeep Nabendu Poonam Sandeep Rupinder Nahasapeemapetilon, was looking forward to seeing some drag queens. What Rammadeep Nabendu Poonam Sandeep Rupinder Nahasapeemapetilon didn’t know was that not every square inch of The Village was hopping with tucked penises.

This is when the begging started. For the past 12 months all we’ve heard is, “Oh. You have to take me out to see the queens.” “I Want to see the queens.” “Where are the queens?” “When are we going to see the queens?” “Is that a queen?” Honestly, you’d think that she had never seen a Drag Queen in her life. Well, I guess, she DOES live in Mississauga. So we finally were able to book a date and this past Saturday saw us all getting ready to see the queens.

The Boyfriend, Rammadeep Nabendu Poonam Sandeep Rupinder Nahasapeemapetilon, and Issabell de Isabella (their Portuguese co-worker that married a man with the same surname as her given name… straight people are so weird) and I all met at a lively little Hookah bar in Little Italy. Over the first few martinis, we talked about the bar and the show that we were about to go see. Rammadeep Nabendu Poonam Sandeep Rupinder Nahasapeemapetilon was shocked. “There’s an actual show?” What did she think, that we kept drag queens in cages so that we could just look at them? We would post signs that said, “Do Not Feed Or Offer Poppers To The Drag Queens”?

Off we go to Church Street and arrive at Crews & Tango, a local bar that offers nightly entertainment of the Gender Bending kind. Tonight we would be seeing Farrah N. Hyte and Heaven Lee Hytes (two of my personal favourites) doing what they do best: parade around in women's clothing lip singing to other peoples songs.

Rammadeep Nabendu Poonam Sandeep Rupinder Nahasapeemapetilon was like a kid at Disneyland. Her mouth dropped, her eyes bulged out, a small trickle of drool dangling from her chin. Pretty. She was quickly spotted as the new girl on the street. Others in line with us were helping her spot out drag queens on the street. “Really, that’s one?” No, Rammadeep, that seven foot tall woman in platform heels, huge blonde wig, wearing sequins is actually a woman. So much to learn, but so eager.

Once we made it inside, it was Issabell de Isabella’s turn to be shocked. She was expecting a piano bar setting, were we would be entertained by “Cher”, “Madonna”, “Barbra”, “Tina”, “Bette” and the rest. Much to her surprise, we were allowed to dance, jump, scream and applaud while Farrah and Heaven Lee egged us on. It only took a few minutes for the girls to get used to hearing ‘the girls’ using language courser than a longshoreman with tourettes.

The evening went well. A little too well, I think. As we left, the new veterans of gay culture looked across the street and saw another bar. “What’s the Black Eagle?” asked Rammadeep Nabendu Poonam Sandeep Rupinder Nahasapeemapetilon.

“A leather/bear bar.” We replied knowingly.

“Oh. You have to take me out to see the leather daddies and bears.” “I Want to see the leather daddies and bears.” “Where are the leather daddies and bears?” “When are we going to see the leather daddies and bears?” “Are they leather daddies and bears?”

Oh boy. It’s going to be an interesting summer.